Monthly Archives: January 2014

I have a serious not so serious disease

written by Mindy Collins

Friends, I am troubled with my serious not so serious disease.
I don’t even know what I should name my disease. Clearly this is the not so serious part because I have to name it because I have made up a disease and self diagnosed myself with it.
I will call it the notafuctionalhumaninthemorning disease.
Now it gets serious.
People joke all the time that they “don’t do mornings” or “don’t talk to me before I’ve had my coffee”.

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But then there are those morning people, who wake up all like:

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For you morning people please only continue to read if you want to know what this feels like so you can be empathetic. Because while you’re over there doing yoga at 6 am and then putting dinner in the crockpot at 7 before waking your children up to feed them a hot breakfast, I’m over here like this:

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My brain does not work in the morning! I can get out of bed, make lunches, do hair, and pretend to be starting my day. I can go through the motions of waking up and not actually be waking up.

And I am soooooo slow. I mean seriously slow. Painfully slow. Which makes me late. So embarrassing to be a real adult and be late. I mean really, not cool.

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My amazing husband has now come to terms with my morning disease. He is so kind and does everything he can to help. He takes the kids to school, because honestly it’s not even a good idea for me to be driving before 9. He would never ask me a question in the morning (this can trigger serious flare ups in the disease) and he doesn’t even try to make eye contact with me. He scratches my back and moves to the side when I’m walking around. Coffee helps a little and by 9:30 or 10:00 I can complete a sentence. But as the teenagers would say, ” the struggle is real.” I would take a pill for this disease if it would make me fully functional before 10 am. I don’t want to rub oils on my right pinky toe or drink apple cider vinegar with cayenne pepper in it to clear my head and give me energy at 8 in the morning. This is not the time to be alternative friends. (To my alternative friends and readers, I LOVE alternative and natural and such, please calm down, this is a joke). I want a PILL people. A pill. A pill. A pill.

Oops, I got distracted thinking about what it would look like if I took a pill and was instantly a morning person. It would have bad side effects though, because it would also wake up the monkeys in my head and they would start talking and I would have to tell the monkeys:

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Bless my heart, right? I do really hate being so out of it in the morning, but getting through it is worth it. I love my kiddos, I love my job, and I love the parts of my day where my brain works.

I am thankful for each day, just maybe not until around noon.

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*please remember this is just for fun, I know people have real diseases, I have a serious oh so serious one that I might write about one day. But for now just don’t ask me questions in the morning.

What the What?

Some have asked me in the last few weeks, “So what is your blog going to be about?”, “Is your blog going to have a focus?”, “Is your blog going to be random?”.

RANDOM! That is the winner!

It is a blog about my daily adventure with ADD, among other problems.

Some cannot handle random. I get it. You need a focus. You need a subject; something to contemplate, dissect, and apply to your life. You are probably the type that is living within your budget and have all your socks paired together and always take both earrings off at the same time. But that is not me.

I get distracted.

EASILY.

So easily that I often find myself with one earring in and the other out. Like what was so important on my mind that in the middle of taking my earrings out I couldn’t finish the task? The concerning part is that this happens often. I get in bed and find that I still have one earring in. I think, “really?”; all I had to do was move my hand to the other ear and take the other earring out. What came up in that two second time period?

I bought this for my office last month:

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I love it. But as you can see I havn’t framed it or hung it on the wall yet. I admire people who hang things on the wall. Such follow through required there. I won’t give up on trying to attain that. Although it does not come naturally I still want it.

Just in, my sister just sent me this pin:

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Oh dear, Cyndi just sent me this one:

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It’s a game we play. Sending pins back and forth. They are soooo funny!!

So back to the topic, which is to say that there is not a topic, for now anyways. But I have A LOT of voices in my head so tomorrow there might be a topic. But for now I’m hoping to merely entertain a few people with my ADD struggles. It’s funny. Life is serious, and hard; but my struggle to focus is funny.

And we all need funny. 

Seriously serious people, we need it.

I am not a “hipster”

I am not a hipster, nor do I aspire to be one. I have accepted lately that I am aging and I am not in tune with the younger terminology. I did, in fact, have to google “what is twerking” when I was a counselor of 9th and 10th graders at youth camp this summer. I also have recently been hearing the term hipster and have looked into the whole fuss about it. It appears I am not a “hipster” nor do I want to be one even if I was the right age or had the time to go thrift store shopping. I am white, which fits the definition, but I do not live in New York City, San Francisco, Chicago, or Boston, and I do not have a liberal arts degree. I guess I have been a little too busy lately keeping my kids alive, myself alive, my marriage in tack, my business running, and trying to love and help the poor and brokenhearted. All those things and also other things like: not just keeping my kids alive, but playing with them, loving them, disciplining them, helping them learn to read, and wiping their noses and their butts; and spending time calling the doctor, going to the doctor, do I want to be a doctor? NO! And I don’t want to be a hipster! Let me tell you why if you are still reading. Let’s define “hipster”:

Annoying people.

No, that is not the definition, sorry about that. Here is Wikipedia’s definition:

Hipster refers to a postmodern subculture of young, urban middle-class adults and older teenagers that first appeared in the 1990s and became particularly prominent in the 2010s,[1] being derived from earlier movements in the 1940s. The subculture is associated with indie music and alternative music, a varied non-mainstream fashion sensibility (including vintage and thrift store clothes), progressive or independent political views,[2][3] and alternative lifestyles. Hipsters are mostly white 18- to 34-year old people.

What the WHAT?!?! Let me decipher what that means to me. People who work hard to be open minded but are actually still closed minded like most people. And what does Urban dictionary say? Well, fascinating that you should ask, it says:

1. Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20’s and 30’s that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter. The greatest concentrations of hipsters can be found living in the Williamsburg, Wicker Park, and Mission District neighborhoods of major cosmopolitan centers such as New York, Chicago, and San Francisco respectively. Although “hipsterism” is really a state of mind,it is also often intertwined with distinct fashion sensibilities. Hipsters reject the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers, and are often be seen wearing vintage and thrift store inspired fashions, tight-fitting jeans, old-school sneakers, and sometimes thick rimmed glasses. Both hipster men and women sport similar androgynous hair styles that include combinations of messy shag cuts and asymmetric side-swept bangs. Such styles are often associated with the work of creative stylists at urban salons, and are usually too “edgy” for the culturally-sheltered mainstream consumer. The “effortless cool” urban bohemian look of a hipster is exemplified in Urban Outfitters and American Apparel ads which cater towards the hipster demographic. Despite misconceptions based on their aesthetic tastes, hipsters tend to be well educated and often have liberal arts degrees, or degrees in maths and sciences, which also require certain creative analytical thinking abilities.
4. Hipster: Someone who listens to bands you’ve never heard of, wears ironic tee-shirts, and believes they are better than you.

Why am I writing about this? let me go to the bathroom and then come back and tell you . . .

ADD and ADHD peeps, this is getting a little too long, you might need to go take a short break, fold the laundry, unload this dishwasher, scroll Pinterest, and then come back.

Okay, well, it’s true that I thought maybe I was cool because I really love Mumford and Sons and The Fray. I don’t know what cool is anymore and the great thing about growing up is you care less. I also care more about what my elders think, and less about what the “hipsters” or “independent thinkers” think. Any group that forfeits the opinion of their elders is historically doomed. I want to be around, and learn from anyone older than me. Anyone who has seen more, prayed more, heard more, survived more, cried more, worked harder, and solved more problems than I, I want to be in their “group”. We should work together people, to encourage one another. If you want to be in any group based on age, ethnicity, political preference, socioeconomic status, schooling choice, or clothing style, you are missing out. I am missing out. I am GUILTY, not of wanting to be a hipster, but of wanting to fit in to a group. We all want to be loved. That is what we all have in common. And I guess being accepted comes along with that. Let’s stop trying to be anything but loving, selfless, doers of good. Whether you listen to old southern gospel music or the newest indie group. God doesn’t care what you listen to, he cares what you do. And my guess is He doesn’t want you wasting your time trying to be a hipster.

*No skinny jeans were harmed in the making of this post. I heart you skinny jeans, the hipsters can’t own you.

It is so cliche, I know. But it’s true, a year does make a huge difference. And I am such a scrooge about Christmas, I have to love the new year, or I would be a total loser.

I am a sucker for new beginnings, fresh starts. I don’t understand how you could not be? But I know people don’t understand how I could not love Christmas time, so whatever. The minute the month long Christmas celebrations come to an end I start thinking about the next year:

How much weight do I want to lose? And . . . I want to parent differently, make new friends, clean out my closet, clean out my pantry, floss my teeth more, read more, learn more, do more, love more and on and on and on. My brain practically explodes! My brain is usually on overdrive as its normal setting, but a new year?! A new START?!? Now it is going full speed ahead, nothing can stop it. NOTHING!

My husband is used to my crazy ideas and my tireless mind explosions; he has been a witness to this insanity for several years. So the normal conversation of, “I want to cook tacos for dinner, and can you check the girls homework, and I think I want to start a blog and run an orphanage, so I think I will need to buy a mac-book and a Patagonia jacket to make it all happen, okay?”, elicits the normal sigh and playful eye roll from him. Then he has to decipher how serious I am and about which parts, because I am serious. He knows I want to do it all, and with good intention. So he tells me he always loves tacos for dinner and he will set up a blog for me. Sweet husband. But what about all the rest of the things I want to get done?

Maybe they will happen, maybe they won’t. I have seen things happen in my life the past few years that I could have never ever ever (I mean never) seen coming. Some good and some heartbreakingly bad. So my resolutions are with good intent, but if they don’t happen, it’s because other things did happen. God willed things. For His Glory and for my good.

MAKE YOUR RESOLUTIONS, THAT IS GOOD! and then go for it, and trust whichever way they go it is okay:

Proverbs 16:9 “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

James 4:13-15 “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’

Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

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SO HAPPY NEW YEAR! CHEERS! Here’s to me drinking less Starbucks . . .