Things that are unhealthy for me:
Things that make me anxious:
Things that make me lose my mind:
Coming up with dinner
My doctor tells me that I need to eliminate stressors in my life in order to control my lupus. “Can I eliminate dinner?” Yes, I really asked her this. My doctors don’t think I’m nearly as funny as I do. They don’t laugh. I think it has something to do with the fact that they are seriously trying to help me. I totally get that. I am seriously trying to help me too, but with a sense of humor. So in all honesty I have given up on cooking dinner as much as it is possible with a husband and three kids.
I attempted a real dinner one night and they didn’t like it. So I asked them what they wanted to eat for dinner. They really actually told me that all the wanted for dinner was tacos.
Stop. You are thinking this was just my kids response. Nooooooo. My husband said this too. For the love of tacos. Fine. Tacos it is. Two to three nights a week we have tacos. Bless whoever invented this perfect dinner creation.
But there are still the other four nights of the week. Order Pizza. Now we are down to three nights. This should be easy. It should be. I still can’t quite figure out why I can’t pull dinner together just a few nights a week.
Maybe this is why, my text to Jachin at this afternoon:
Please don’t think that we don’t have problems in our marriage. We have conquered some rough things and I’m sure there are more to come, but isn’t he precious? He gets me. He sees the defeat in my eyes when he walks in the door and I’m trying to get dinner ready. The digression in my attempts at dinner have been so severe. It’s not even worth trying anymore. I can’t even flip a pancake when I make pancakes and scrambled eggs for dinner. And eggs end up on the floor and on the ceiling. And then I cry. My dinners are more and more ending like this:
I used to love to cook. That was when cooking was my only responsibility. Cooking had no competition in my life, it had my full attention and me and cooking had fun. Those were the days. Things change so fast, but we tend to accept the change so slow. I would have saved my family and I so much heartache if I had just given on up on cooking long ago. I should have accepted the reality that 5:45 is a very bad time if day for me and I cannot multi-task. So what used to be my domestic bliss of cooking and enjoying it now ends up looking like this:
Please do not be too concerned. We eat. Maybe not the way you do, but we do eat. Frozen lasagna, takeout, spaghetti, takeout, tuna fish, takeout. And a special shout out to grilled cheese. Whatever it is we are grateful to have it. My kids and husband do not seem to even care what we eat. All along I was creating my own idea of what dinner should look like.
Life will move on and maybe one day I will cook again. And then maybe one day it will actually taste good and I won’t burn it. Maybe. Please, nobody hold your breath.